Clients with Incarcerated Family Members

Definitions

• Incarcerated : sentenced to jail or prison after being convicted of a crime.
• Crime : an illegal activity or action that a person takes against another individual or entity and can be punished by the government.
• Trial : the presentation and examination of evidence in front of a judge and, typically, a jury to determine a person's guilt or innocence related to a crime.

Thelegal system is responsible for determining a person’s guilt or innocence when acrimeis committed. Often, someone who has committed a crime will face atrial. During the trial, evidence is presented to a judge and possibly to a jury. The purpose is to determine whether the accused person is guilty or innocent. Some trials are completed quickly, while others take longer; the individual accused of the crime may have to remain in jail until the trial is over. This is hard not only on the incarcerated person but on the person’s family members and support network. When the trial is complete, the court will make a decision about how to proceed. A person who is found guilty will receive a consequence for the behavior committed. The consequence may include jail time, or being incarcerated.

When an individual is incarcerated, people in the family and in the community will have their own opinions regarding the individual’s guilt or innocence. Clients with an incarcerated family member may want to talk about their loved one’s innocence or ask your opinion about the case. It is important to listen to your clients and to validate their opinions and feelings on the matter regardless of whether you think the family member is innocent or guilty. As a BHA/P, your role is to remain objective, maintain client confidentiality, and treat all clients equally. See Chapter B-4: Confidentiality and Release of Information for information and guidance on how to protect your client's information. For more information on ways to provide general support and encouragement to the family members of incarcerated people, see Chapter A-4: Self-Care for BHA/Ps and Clients and Chapter C-3: Wellness and Prevention.

Thejudicial (court) systemhas put rules in place for when people are incarcerated. Rules in the jail facility directly impact the incarcerated person. Other rules directly impact the family. For example, the judicial system determines if and when an incarcerated person can have visitors and who can be added to the visitor list.

If clients have questions or concerns about incarcerated loved ones, direct them to the legal system or the lawyer representing the individual in jail. It is essential that BHA/Ps (and anyone working outside of the legal system) refrain from making guesses about or attempting to answer legal questions, as doing so is outside their scope of practice.

When a family member is incarcerated, the whole family feels the impact, whether or not each member of the family believes that the person committed a crime or deserves to be in jail.All families have scripts or regular routines they engage in that help the family members function daily. For example, in some families, one parent goes to work and the other stays home with the children. Other families might hold to traditional activities such as subsistence living or homesteading. In some homes, extended family members live together in a household that includes several adults (like aunts, uncles, cousins, parents, and grandparents) working together to raise each other’s children and keep the home running smoothly.

Regardless of the family dynamics, each family member has an important role. Children go to school and help with age-appropriate chores. Parents work, clean, or gather subsistence. Aunts and uncles might babysit the young children in the home. The grandmother may be responsible for cooking or doing laundry. Even the role of storyteller is an important one in the family.

This means that families whose loved ones are serving time in jail not only miss their relatives, but also the role their loved ones played in the home. Helping the family adjust to a new routine or identify solutions to new problems in their daily functioning is one way that you can provide support and encouragement.

Itis also important to validate your clients’ feelings as they respond to the separation from incarcerated loved ones. Remember that:

• Parents of an incarcerated person may experience an increase in stress levels or have physical reactions to the added strain brought on by the incarceration, such as stomachaches, headaches, or moodiness.
• Siblings of an incarcerated person may feel pressured to take on the role of caretaker to the parents to compensate for the actions and absence of the incarcerated family member.
• Children with an incarcerated parent (or other adult caretaker in the home) may be confused or scared about the parent’s absence. Children may blame themselves for the parent being “sent away.” They may alternate between acting out negatively and trying to be perfect to get the parent to come home.
• Family members may also feel angry at the incarcerated family member for messing up the family’s dynamic and routine.
• Some family members may feel embarrassed by the individual’s behavior and worry that others in the community will think poorly of them for the actions of the incarcerated family member.

There may be court orders, rules, or laws in place that don’t allow an incarcerated individual to have contact with children or specific people during and/or following incarceration. Clients may experience difficulty when they discover they will be separated from a loved one for a great deal of time or even permanently as a result of the loved one’s crime. If that is the case, be prepared to help the family through the stages of grief. Even though the convicted person is still alive, the family will be grieving the loss of the person’s presence and contribution to the family. Some families may even grieve the loss of dreams they had of family gatherings, growing old together, or watching children grow up, marry, and have children of their own. See Chapter D-22: Grief for more information on the impact and process of grief.

How relationships with incarcerated family members are maintained varies with each family unit and individual family member. The way each person responds to and maintains a relationship with an incarcerated individual should be respected.

Feeling guilty, sad, or frustrated when separated from a loved one is normal. Some relatives might even feel embarrassed or ashamed that they are related to someone serving jail time. It is important to allow clients to experience their feelings and to talk about their family’s situation.

Family members who wish to set boundaries with incarcerated loved ones may experience challenges or feelings of guilt in doing so. You can help by providing support and a listening ear during sessions. Some families need help setting appropriate boundaries with their incarcerated relative. There are several ways you can assist the family in this process.

• Help the family identify the purpose of the boundary. Support them in the decision-making process about how to handle the impact of a loved one’s incarceration on their finances, time, and energy. For example:
  • Things like collect phone calls are expensive and the family may need to determine how to allocate funds for such an expense.
  • Families might need to make a decision about their ability and desire to act as a third-party custodian for the loved one.
• Help the family determine how long the boundary needs to be in place. This may change over time, just as the boundary itself might change. For example:
  • The boundary regarding collect phone calls may be a short-lived one due to the family member’s release from jail.
  • Upon release, new boundaries may need to be established to safeguard the family or the family’s belongings until trust is regained.
• Provide the family with the tools to state the boundary. For example:
  • They may want to write it in a letter to be mailed to the relative.
  • They may prefer to visit the relative and discuss decision in person. If so, you can role-play the conversation and assist the family in rehearsing what they want to say.
• Continue to support the family after the boundary is set. There may be times when the family wants to remove the boundary because they feel guilty about it or they feel sorry for the relative involved in the legal system. Support the family in the decision-making process and help them to see the positive and negative consequences that can come from implementing and removing a boundary.

Parents and adult family members may wish to continue having a relationship with the incarcerated family member regardless of the crime. However, rules surrounding contact with an incarcerated person depend on the person’s age and legal history, the details of the crime, and legal decisions in thecase.

If clients have questions or concerns about incarcerated loved ones, direct them to the legal system or the lawyer representing the individual in jail. It is essential that BHA/Ps (and anyone working outside of the legal system) refrain from making guesses about or attempting to answer legal questions, as doing so is outside their scope of practice.

Children who have an incarcerated family member (such as a parent) may have a lot of questions. It is essential to be patient and supportive when giving explanations. Use age-appropriate words and definitions as you help child clients through this life event.

Keepin mind that a child may be treated differently after a parent is incarcerated. Even teachers, pastors, and other adults who should know better may be judgmental and make inappropriate comments. Children may still look up to those adults and these judgments can therefore affect their self-image.

You may need to meet separately with the adult family members to educate them on how to talk to their children about incarceration.

• Remember to use actual terms when educating parents so that they can also use these terms when educating the children.
• Refrain from using language like “being bad” or “bad people.” Also refrain from referring to authorities as “scary” or as individuals to “hide from" or "stay away from,” as these words might confuse or scare a child.
• Practice with the adult family members or participate in a family session if the family is willing to participate. Offer to support the adults when they speak to the children.

Children are resilient and take cues from their caretakers about how to respond to changes in their life, daily routine, and family dynamics. Experiencing a family member’s incarceration isn’t easy for children, but with the healthy modeling and support of caring adults in their lives, they can learn to cope.

When working with a child whose parent or primary caregiver has been incarcerated, see Chapter C-2: Attachments and Relationships for more information on how to identify and utilize protective factors in the child’s life. If the child has been taken into state custody, see Chapter E-7: Foster Care and OCS for additional information on how to help the child adapt to living in a temporary home and how to work within the confines of the foster care system.

Incarceration can be devastating to the entire family unit. Be as supportive as possible of clients whose family members are incarcerated and refrain from taking sides or speaking negatively about incarcerated individuals, regardless of your values and beliefs. See Chapter B-1: Values and Ethics for BHA/Ps.